Yesterday my grandmother was admitted to the hospital suffering from renal failure. Over the past year she has been very sick, more than I had understood. Nobody ever told me that her cancer had returned until the middle of summer. At that time, I was informed she was going through chemotherapy. I knew things had been steadily declining, but I was apparently wrong.

That being said, I just got a call from my mother. This morning, I don't quite know when, my grandmother passed away. I was told that in the end she was medicated so she was no longer feeling any pain after having spent months plagued by it. My grandmother and I were fairly close, but lately I hadn't been able to see her very often, much to the anger of my parents. I suppose that I was being selfish, but I thought that I had more time. Once again, I was very wrong. Right now I'm a bit confused and a bit angry about what has happened. I'm confused as to how I didn't see how bad things were and I'm furious that I allowed myself to squander my time with her.

Despite the feelings of anger and confusion, I'm mostly sad. I'm going to miss my grandmother. She was dear to me and I regret not having as much time with her as I should have, but the past is past and I can't change that. The funeral will most likely be this weekend, so I will be probably be returning by train on Friday and returning to school Sunday or Monday. While I am in the area, I will most likely not be contacting any friends, nor will I be up to hanging out. As much as I would like to, I think it would be inappropriate.

Current Location: Dorm room
Current Mood: numb

Well, I'm about 1/4 of the way into the quarter so far and things have been going pretty smoothly. Monday and Wednesday, up for class at 9:30 isn't so bad. Tuesday and Thursday, getting up for class at 8 AM, sucks however. So, Intro to Chemistry, Intro to Psychology, Intro to Cyberspace (which I have my midterm for tonight, accelerated class, BLAH), Ethics in Criminology, and Spanish 201. None of them are really hard, had an essay test in Ethics yesterday, went simple except for an answer I wrote at length from a legal standpoint, not an ethical one. This morning I had my first psych test and that went smoothly too. I'm mildly concerned about the midterm tonight, since it's on a lot of boring information, but, we'll see what happens.

In other news, FurFright still seems to be on for me. Originally I'd be missing my Cyberspace final, but the professor agreed that I could take it before that night. I also will have to make up a Chem exam, but I'm confident that it won't go too badly. I'm really looking forward to seeing people from home again. Living on campus is nice, but I don't really have that many friends here since a bunch  couldn't return this semester. To those I haven't seen in a while, miss you guys!

Oh, and one more fun thing. My aunt is getting a new puppy, a Newfoundland. Look at the CUTE!

Current Location: Dorm room
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Coheed and Cambria-Good Apollo, Vol. 1: The Writing Writer

Okay, all moved into my dorm. First off...no roommate! Apparently my roommate must have canceled at the last minute because his name wasn't on the door with mine, meaning he won't be coming. This is weird, but really cool all the same. I've got the net set up, hopefully it'll keep working properly and TV and cable are good. In the next week I'll post a schedule, since mine might be weird soon.

Current Location: New dorm room
Current Mood: happy

So, last week I found out a class was being canceled for the fall semester, RS-101 Old Testament Studies. On my part, not a big deal, I'm not religious. The problem is this cuts me from 15 credit hours to 12. For my school, I can't remember if that makes me a full-time student or part-time. In the event that it's part-time, I would not be able to live on campus. I've tried since last week to get a hold of the professor who left a message on our voice-mail and I've tried the registrar's office, no luck. Then today, I remembered an e-mail I got saying that the entire campus has been experiencing difficulties with receiving incoming phone calls. The best I can do is attempt to call a bit into the afternoon, see if it connects, and if not, leave a message. In the mean time, I've e-mailed my student adviser, so, here's hoping I get a response.

Next Sunday I'm going to be moving back into my dorm. To those that I did not see before going back, I apologize, the summer has been very hectic. I'm going back on a poor note, so it might be a good thing that I won't be around for a while. To anybody I didn't see, maybe I'll see you at FurFright, and if not, then maybe on Thanksgiving or winter break.

So, for once I actually have news. Well, first off, no longer single. For those who want to know who my new beau is, his name is Chris and we've known each other for quite a long time.

Moving right along, school. Well, last semester it seems I made the Dean's list, which was nice news. As of now, I have about one month before I have to go back to school. Like most years involving school, I have mixed feelings. On one hand, I learned that I don't enjoy being away from home as much as I thought I would, but at the same time, it's liberating. Or at least as liberating as it can be with me normally stuck on campus because I can't drive and don't have a car. I also am excited to see my professors again because the more I meet of our Criminal Justice department, the more I think I made the right choice when I chose my major. As for my friends on campus, I really haven't been so good about keeping in touch because I don't like using Facebook, I prefer using the phone so I can at least talk to them directly. It's going to be interesting to see what happened to the friend of mine that discovered he was bi last year. He's honestly got mixed feelings about who he is, but I hope that if nothing else I can help him work through his troubles.

Onto another point of order that's been eating away at me for a while. It seems that no matter where I go, or who I'm with lately, I somehow end up feeling uncomfortable or unwanted. I understand that while some who have actually been around me don't think that I was made to feel unwanted, however in cases like this, perception is reality. I've tried discussing this issue before, but to no honest avail. After canceling my AC plans due to some poor news, I really thought I might start working on this issues, and I've been trying, but the more I work at it, the more it seems to grow worse. On some level, maybe I set myself up to end up feeling bad, I honestly couldn't say. I'd like to think that isn't the case, but it's a possibility. I don't even know who will actually see this, but I figured getting my thoughts out might help.

Current Location: At home
Current Mood: sad
Current Music: The rain outside

It's come to my attention that as of late I've been a bother to a lot of people. To the few that will actually read this, I am sincerely sorry for my actions and behavior. Truth be told, it wasn't until somebody was honest with me about how big a problem I've been that I realized they were right. A lot of the time, I don't realize what I've done bothers so many, but know that I've gotten the idea, I don't know why people put up with me for so long. With this in mind, I'm canceling my plans for AC, and more likely than not will not be attending any furmeets for an undetermined length of time. To those that don't mind me being around, I'm sorry, but I really don't think that I should be around if I'm a bother to so many. To those I have bothered, repeatedly it seems, I hope that my break from being around is good. And once again, I apologize.

Current Location: My room at home!
Current Mood: crushed

Quick change of pace! Today has quickly slipped from good, to bad, to good, back to bad. There are some days I honestly wish that I had never gotten over my fear of talking to people. I've yet again opened my mouth and pissed off a friend. Most don't realize that when  I make somebody angry with me, I legitimately feel bad about it. When I piss off a friend, I feel god awful for it. Honestly, despite having done something I've been scared of doing for years today, I.E. come out to my mother, I feel like shit. Now, time to feel guilty for a few days, like always.

Current Location: My room at home!
Current Mood: guilty
Current Music: Imaginary - Evanescence

So....came out to my mom about being gay and a furry. She knew I was gay and doesn't give a shit about me being a furry, and will even be giving me a bit of extra cash for AC, go figure. >.>

Current Location: My room at home!
Current Mood: surprised
Current Music: His World

I've barely slept in the past 3 days! Wooooooooooooooooo! *Collapses in a heap*

Current Location: Home, in my teal bedroom
Current Mood: tired